Trust the Process: Overcome Inner Criticism, Self-Doubt, and Indecision
Would it be weird for me to encourage you to face challenges with phrases like, “I’m so grateful that this toxic relationship is showing up for me right now!” or “This bankruptcy is the best thing that could possibly happen to me!” I know, it probably sounds ridiculous and a far cry from how you’re truly feeling, but I do have my reasons if you’ll bear with me…
Transitions are a natural part of life, but they are often anything but easy. Whether you’re going through a breakup, starting a new job, moving to a new city, or simply trying to reinvent yourself, the process of change can feel overwhelming. I know it has felt this way for me and I’ve wondered: How do we navigate these shifts with grace, confidence, and clarity? And more importantly, how can we love ourselves through this process?
In today’s blog post, we explore how we can embrace the new chapters of our lives without getting lost in the fear of uncertainty and maybe - just maybe - approach them with a sense of excitement for what could potentially be. I’d like you to meet my recent L3 Philosophy™ guest Jeanine Cerundolo. She’s an author and holistic life & career coach who has spent the past decade helping people navigate transitions. Jeanine has a heart-centered approach to her work that looks at the whole person—not just their current circumstances, but their inner world, relationships, and aspirations.
If you’ve ever felt stuck or uncertain during a major life shift, the insights gleaned from our conversation are the perfect antidote to help you move forward with purpose and confidence. Jeanine helps us understand how parts work and a holistic approach can help you face life challenges and transitions such as a breakup, career shift, or major life move. You can watch our L3 Philosophy™ episode here:
What Does a Holistic Life Coach Really Do?
When most people think of a life coach, they may picture someone offering generalized advice or “motivational talk” to help you achieve your goals. But as Jeanine shared with me, her approach goes much deeper. A holistic life coach doesn’t just focus on your goals or tasks; they work with you to understand and integrate all aspects of your life—mind, body, and spirit.
For Jeanine, the term "holistic" is not just a buzzword; it reflects the interconnectedness of all areas of life. “When you shift something in one area, you think you're working on health, and then it suddenly affects your self-esteem or confidence, which affects your relationships,” she explained. This is the essence of the holistic approach: understanding how personal, emotional, and external changes ripple out and influence each other.
As a Breakup & Relationship coach, I have seen this interconnectedness and ripple effect that shifting one area of your life has on another many times. I’ve had people come to me in despair about an ended relationship only to discover through our inner work together some blind spots within themselves that were also preventing their career growth or capacity for success. These blind spots were causing them to repeat unhealthy patterns, getting similar outcomes in different circumstances.
When one area of your life blows up in your face, typically it’s a wake-up call from the Universe to look at something that needs to shift within yourself. In essence, it’s a gift! But you have to be the one who chooses to see it that way.
Reflection and Practice: Think of an area of your life right now that is either thriving or could use improvement. How does this impact the other areas of your life? This week, make a note in your journal of when something goes well how it impacts your day or other life areas. Also notice when something doesn’t go as you wish and observe the impact or ripple effect it has.
The Role of Connection: To Self, Others, and Something Bigger
If all aspects of our lives are interconnected, then we have to start with the pieces of the puzzle that we can control, which is our own self-knowledge and self-acceptance. This is where the L3 Philosophy™ comes into play, which you can read more about here. By learning how to love and truly know yourself first, this influences the other two Ls of loving your relationships and loving your life.
So, how do you love yourself? It’s a concept I’ve pondered for years and deeply struggled with in the past. It seems so abstract. But what I noticed through my years of challenges and growth through them is that there is, in fact, a process you can bring yourself through to build a solid internal foundation. It all starts with reconnecting with yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I call this the “Restore” phase - the first of three phases I walk people through when I work with them and the one I always come back to when I’m going through change or challenges.
In our L3 Philosophy™ conversation, Jeanine shares that she, too, helps people reconnect with themselves and that this self-connection, or alignment with your true self, is central to her work. “Part of my purpose is to be connected to self, others, and source,” she shared during our conversation.
Being connected to yourself means truly understanding who you are, what you want, and what brings you joy. It’s about trusting your inner voice and intuition. But it’s not just about individual self-awareness—it’s also about fostering meaningful connections with others and tapping into something greater than yourself. For more on fostering community and connection, you may enjoy my article about thriving more together with Jen Earls or my article about resilience with Tina Hurley. Tapping into something greater than yourself could be your spirituality, a sense of purpose, or simply an awareness that you are part of a larger, interconnected world.
Jeanine shares that when we are disconnected from ourselves or others, we become more susceptible to fear, indecision, and self-doubt. Disconnection creates the feeling of loneliness, which according to a poll done in 2024 by the APA (American Psychiatric Association), “one in three Americans feels lonely every week.” These emotions can make transitions feel even more challenging. By reconnecting to who we are at our core, it can help us connect more authentically with others, making it easier to move through change with more confidence. It’s about embracing the flow of life, rather than resisting it.
Reflection and Practice: Are there any areas where you feel disconnected from yourself? From others? Write your thoughts in your journal. What is one thing you can do this week to explore more connection in these areas?
Why Transitions Are More Than Just External Changes
When most of us think about transitions, we typically focus on external changes. While these are certainly significant, Jeanine emphasizes that transitions are also deeply internal processes. “People come for what they think is a specific thing, like a breakup or a move across the country or a new job,” Jeanine explained. “But often, it touches themes like self-acceptance, indecision, or inner criticism.”
This is a key insight that is easy to overlook. Sure, moving to a new city or starting a new career might be exciting on the surface, but these changes often bring up deep emotional challenges that need to be addressed. If we don’t deal with the inner work—like our fears, insecurities, or patterns of self-doubt—these internal challenges can make the external transition feel even more difficult. Jeanine explains that when people focus solely on the external change, they miss an opportunity to heal and grow from within. “The holistic piece is the internal part and the external,” she said. When we work on our inner world, it naturally impacts the outer world in powerful ways.
I’ve noticed this as well in my own life and in working clients through breakups, dating frustrations, or feeling unable to move forward from past relationships. Unfortunately, it often takes hugely uncomfortable or painful events in our lives to open us up to the idea of looking within and being radically honest about our own role in our life situations. The invaluable part of this is that these disruptors can be huge opportunities to open our eyes to things we couldn’t see before– an awakening of sorts. So, what do we do with this new awareness?
Reflection and Practice: What is your relationship with change? Think of examples in your life where it feels deeply uncomfortable and also examples of when you welcome it. Do you see any patterns that would benefit you to explore further?
The Tools for Navigating Transitions
While much of self-discovery and personal growth work is rooted in emotional awareness and reflection, it’s important to identify practical action steps you can take to help navigate transitions with clarity and confidence. These tools are designed not just to help you get through the transition, but to thrive in it. One place you can start with this is to correctly identify your root “problem” so you can determine the best solution, which you can learn how to do in this video. (Read the article instead here.)
One of the tools Jeanine often uses is the “wheel of life.” This tool helps clients evaluate all areas of their life and identify where they may be out of balance. “We take an inventory of all the areas,” Jeanine explained. By visualizing where you are in each area—such as your career, relationships, health, and personal growth—you can begin to see where shifts are needed. The wheel helps clients track their progress and maintain focus on creating a more balanced life overall.
Another key tool used by many coaches is helping clients identify and address their limiting beliefs. These beliefs often stem from past experiences and can hold us back during transitions. Whether it's fear of failure, imposter syndrome, or perfectionism, when people bring awareness to these beliefs they can replace them with more empowering thoughts. “We all have obstacles or patterns that have kept us stuck,” Jeanine said. “And part of the coaching is to help you bridge from where you are to where you want to go.”
One common limiting belief I encounter when working with people after a relationship ends is, “I’ll never be able to find love again” or “I’m not capable of starting over at this age.” On the surface, they may hope and desire to still be able to have the relationship of their dreams but are unaware that their core belief is that it’s not possible for them. This undoubtedly prevents people from being open and expansive to the possibilities that exist - oftentimes ones they may have never previously considered. This open-mindedness is a skill to be cultivated, and one which can be accessed through play and creativity. If you would like more help with this, schedule a call with me here to see if we would be a good fit to work together.
Reflection and Practice: What are some limiting beliefs that you might have? Make a list in your journal. Next, ask yourself “Are these really true?” Over the next week, see if you can observe or gather evidence that proves that there is a chance, even if it’s a small one, that those beliefs may not be 100% accurate or true.
“Parts Work” for the Win: Play and Creativity Help with Trusting the Process
When was the last time you played - I mean really got to play? Maybe you have a child or pet in your life that can help you access this feeling. But how can you embody playfulness all on your own? Transitions are hard enough as it is, but they don’t always have to be serious or overwhelming. In fact, embracing a sense of fun and creativity can help you move through change with more ease.
One method that Jeanine uses to help her clients reconnect with one's true self is through the practice of "parts work." She explains that parts work is a way of understanding the different inner aspects or "parts" of ourselves, similar to how we all experience multiple facets of our personality. "Instead of just a unified one personality, we have psychic multiplicity," she says, suggesting that we all hold various emotional and psychological parts within us.
She likens it to the movie Inside Out, where the protagonist's emotions—joy, sadness, anger, disgust, and fear—battle within her mind. In real life, parts work helps individuals bring these different aspects into alignment, especially during times of confusion or transition. "If you're stuck, it's like a horse-drawn carriage where every horse is looking in a different direction," Jeanine explains, highlighting the importance of getting all parts moving in the same direction for personal clarity and growth. “It's not about forcing parts of yourself to "get along" like a team huddle, but rather creating awareness and space between you and your parts.”
Years ago, I personally experienced a tremendous shift into self-acceptance after a parts-work session I experienced. At the time, I had begun the process of writing my spicy memoir, which was shining a huge light on the tension between my "perfect" role model persona and my "wild child" side, which I had long suppressed. In the session, my coach and I worked on integrating all parts of myself, even the parts that felt difficult or shameful. Through the parts work session, I began to unite these conflicting sides, reducing my guilt and shame. It felt like I was letting a part of me out of its cage. The experience was also crucial to my sense of familial and societal belonging, since the integration of my parts allowed me to show up more authentically as my full self.
Jeanine and I discussed how parts work can also be fun when you allow yourself to playfully interact with your different parts. Rather than rejecting them, engage them in a lively conversation! This can allow each to be seen for their individual needs. For example, if someone feels torn between going to a social event and staying home to relax, this reflects the tension between an extroverted part and an introverted one. The key, Jeanine says, is learning to understand these parts and finding solutions that meet their needs, like "maybe you want to stay in for a couple of hours and have some me time," before engaging with others.
Life is meant to be lived with creativity and curiosity, not with rigid expectations and fear. “Let it flow, be guided, enjoy,” Jeanine advises. Embracing this sense of playfulness not only makes transitions easier, but it also makes life more enjoyable. When we approach challenges with curiosity and lightness, we open ourselves up to new opportunities and perspectives. Life doesn’t have to be a constant grind; it can also be a fun, creative journey of exploration.
The Takeaways: How to Navigate Life’s Transitions with Grace
Embrace a holistic approach: Life is interconnected. Don’t just focus on one area—look at the whole picture. Assess your career, health, relationships, and personal growth to create a balanced, fulfilling life.
Reconnect with yourself: Self-connection is key. Spend time reflecting on who you truly are, what you want, and what brings you joy. This inner clarity will guide you through transitions with confidence.
Address the internal before the external: External transitions are often influenced by our internal beliefs, fears, and insecurities. Don’t just focus on the external change—work on the emotional and mental aspects that shape your experience.
Use practical tools: The “wheel of life” is a great tool for assessing where you are and where you want to go. It helps you maintain balance and track progress during times of transition.
Embrace playfulness: Life doesn’t have to be a serious, rigid journey. Embrace curiosity, creativity, and playfulness to make transitions easier and more enjoyable.
Trust the process: Instead of constantly striving for more, learn to trust that life is unfolding as it should. Let life be enough, and enjoy the journey.
One of the most profound lessons I took away from my conversation with Jeanine was the idea of letting life be enough. In a world that constantly tells us to strive for more—more success, more achievement, more growth—it can be difficult to simply be present and accept things as they are. But Jeanine challenges us to do just that. “Let life-living itself be enough,” she said. This simple yet powerful message is a reminder that we don’t always need to be “doing” in order to be worthy or successful.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do is pause, breathe, and trust that life is unfolding exactly as it should.
Emmi Fortin
Breakup & Relationship Coach
Host of L3 Philosophy with Emmi
If you enjoyed this article and want to expand on the reflection exercises in it, You might like these guided journals!
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