Follow this Philosophy to Help You Heal, Rebuild, and Move Forward
If you’re feeling stuck after a breakup, divorce, life challenge or transition, you're not alone. In this blog post, I’ll share the #1 thing you should prioritize to heal, rebuild, and create a life you love again.
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Why You Feel Stuck
When we face a big challenge, like a breakup or life transition, it’s easy to obsess over the problem. We replay events, analyze every detail, and fixate on things we can’t control. I’ve been there myself. After multiple painful breakups, I found myself consumed with thoughts about my ex and the circumstances of our relationship. I spent hours rehashing memories, wondering where things went wrong, and blaming myself or my ex. This cycle left me feeling lost, anxious, and depressed.
When you view the problem as external—“This person left me, so I feel this way”—you’re naturally tempted to search for external solutions. But that approach doesn’t work because the root of the problem lies within you.
It’s like treating the flu when the real issue is an inflamed cavity with flu-like symptoms—you’re addressing the symptoms, not the cause.
Here’s an example. I worked with a man whose wife requested a separation but wasn’t clear about her intentions. He tried to “fix” the situation by giving her space and helping her when she needed support. While this was kind and respectful, it left him in limbo, waiting on her decisions.
When we started working together, I encouraged him to turn inward. Through self-discovery, he realized he needed to take ownership of his life instead of waiting for someone else to determine his future. This shift gave him clarity and empowered him to make his own decisions on how he wanted to move forward.
The Key to Moving Forward: The L3 Philosophy™
The L3 Philosophy™ is a framework I developed and now teach in my Wake Up from Your Breakup course and to my clients. It centers on how to cultivate three interconnected pillars:
Love Yourself
Love Your Relationships
Love Your Life
Each “L” builds upon the others, but the foundation always starts with the first: Love Yourself. Think of it as a ripple effect—when you nurture yourself, it positively impacts your relationships and your overall life.
Pillar 1: Love Yourself
Loving yourself means developing a deep understanding of who you are, why you think and act the way you do, and what you truly need to thrive.
At first, this might sound abstract, but here’s a break down of how to demonstrate love for yourself:
1. Self-Reflection: Treat yourself like a close friend. Ask yourself:
Why do I feel this way?
Is there a deeper issue I’m avoiding?
What habits or beliefs no longer serve me?
2. Self-Awareness: Learn more about your patterns. For me, understanding my attachment style was life-changing. Before this, I saw myself as broken and needy and ex partners had also labeled me as too needy. But I realized these feelings were symptoms of behaviors I could change, not reflections of my worth or who I truly am. When I studied attachment styles, along with many other systems of learning about yourself, I stopped judging myself and started meeting my own needs. This shift transformed how I showed up in relationships. Instead of seeking so much validation from a partner. I began to feel whole on my own.
3. Self-Care: Consistently prioritize activities that nurture your body, mind, and spirit. For me, this has included:
Journaling (You might like these guided journals)
Yoga and dancing
Quiet activities like meditation or paint-by-numbers
Creative outlets like writing my memoir
By investing in self-care, you gain clarity, reduce stress, and reconnect with your intuition.
Pillar 2: Love Your Relationships
Once you’ve started loving yourself, it’s time to focus on how you engage in relationships. This isn’t just about romantic partnerships—it applies to friendships, family dynamics, and even professional connections.
Key Questions to Ask Yourself:
How do I feel about myself when I’m with this person?
Am I showing up in a way that creates connection, or am I perpetuating patterns that push others away?
What role am I playing in this dynamic?
As I brought more awareness to my behavioral tendencies over many years, I realized my role of being highly reactive with a partner during conflicts resulted in my partner shutting down or trying to avoid the situation completely. If my goal was to create more connection, I achieved the opposite of pushing him away. Taking responsibility for your actions can allow you to approach conflicts with more understanding, which shifts the entire dynamic.
Breaking Patterns in Relationships
Do you find yourself in similar types of relationships repeatedly? For example:
Being with partners who have addictions
Feeling like you’re always the caretaker
Experiencing infidelity in multiple relationships
If so, it’s worth exploring why these patterns keep showing up. Often, they reflect unresolved issues within yourself. Another aspect of loving your relationships is setting boundaries. Clear and consistent boundaries protect your energy and help you maintain healthy dynamics. I recommend starting with my free Relationship Cheat Sheet Guide to help you get clear on what your ideal relationship looks like and who YOU need to be in order to create it.
Reframing Your Relationship Narrative
When you’ve been hurt, it’s easy to adopt a victim mindset. I used to describe my situationship in a way that made me feel powerless where ex was the villain and I was the powerless victim. But this narrative kept me stuck, and if you have a story that sounds similar, it will keep you stuck too. It wasn’t until I reframed my story—acknowledging my own role and growth—that I was able to move forward. When you change your perspective, you open yourself up to new possibilities.
Pillar 3: Love Your Life
The final piece of the puzzle is creating a life you love. This requires clarity about what you want and the courage to take action.
Step 1: Get Clear on Your Vision
What do you want to create in your life? Be specific. Vague goals lead to vague results. For example, instead of saying, “I want to travel,” visualize the exact experience: the destination, the accommodations, the activities. When you’re clear about your vision, you’ll notice opportunities aligning with it.
Step 2: Dare to Take Risks
Growth requires stepping outside your comfort zone. Leaving my secure teaching career to start my own business was one of the scariest decisions I’ve ever made. My body was shaking as I handed in my resignation and my self-sabotaging thoughts were racing a mile a minute. But I knew that staying in my comfort zone wouldn’t lead to the new path I envisioned.
Taking bold steps—whether it’s changing careers, trying something new, or opening yourself up to love again—can be transformative.
Step 3: Co-Create Your Reality
Even when life throws curveballs, you have the power to choose how you respond. By focusing on what you can control, you become an active participant in shaping your future. I once worked with a woman in her 60s who felt stuck after a long marriage ended. She doubted she’d ever find love or purpose again at her age. Through our work together, she reconnected with her self-worth and began visualizing the type of relationship she desired. Within months, she attracted a partner who she now shares joy and vitality with in her life. She told me she never imagined she could be having so much fun in a relationship at this phase of her life.
IMPORTANT: This is not a fairytale story; it’s a story of a person who took responsibility for her “Point A” and then did the hard, deep inner work to get herself to her desired internal “Point B”, which THEN resulted in a great relationship. See the difference?
Why the L3 Philosophy™ Works
The L3 Philosophy™—Love Yourself, Love Your Relationships, Love Your Life—offers a holistic approach to healing and transformation. Each pillar reinforces the others, creating a solid foundation for lasting change.
Loving Yourself builds self-worth and clarity.
Loving Your Relationships fosters deeper connections and healthier dynamics.
Loving Your Life empowers you to create a reality you’re excited about.
When you focus on these three areas, you’ll not only heal from past challenges but also build a life that feels authentic, fulfilling, and aligned with who you truly are.
Next Steps
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to start your own journey of healing and rebuilding, I’d love to help. Whether it’s through my courses or one-on-one coaching, I’ll support you in implementing the L3 Philosophy™ and creating a life you love!
You have the power to heal. You have the power to rebuild. And you have the power to move forward.
Let’s take that first step together.
You’ve got this. 💛
Emmi Fortin
Breakup & Relationship Coach
Host of L3 Philosophy™ with Emmi
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